Before you ask… no, this is not a blog about my love and longing for algebra. Seriously… I loathe math. BUT – lately I’ve been feeling really, really nostalgic. I’m not sure why (“maybe it’s because you’re in your mid 30s and feeling O.L.D.,” says the a**hole), but I keep having these little longings in my heart for things I felt in my youth. And it’s funny, because it’s not that any of it is sad stuff I’m thinking about… but there is something about it that gives me… well… an ache. Particularly when I think about highschool.
“Seriously… highschool,” the reader asks?
Yes. Highschool.
This all started several weeks ago when I read that first TWILIGHT book (she says with audible humiliation). Yes! I drank the kool-aid and succumbed to the peer pressure and read the stupid book. And well… it was better than I thought it would be. Let me first say that overall, I don’t really care about vampires. They just don’t interest me at all… I know that I’m HUH-WAYYYY in the minority here – but I just don’t find them compelling or sexy. But I will say this… I LOVE reading about love! Especially young, teenage, first time, obsessive love! For example, those early scenes in the book –-- looooved them! You know, when Bella first meets Vampire Ed, and their eyes meet for the first (and second and third) time, and then she starts looking for him as she turns every corner at school just hoping to catch a glimpse of him… oh man, that totally got me! I mean look, I’m a happily married woman. Very happily married. But I will say that what Stephanie Meyer has in her writing is an uncanny way of describing those early feelings of a crush. Not just a little crush mind you… but a CATASTROPHIC crush… Remember that angst, lust and heat?
Oh Gawwwwd I do! In fact, I remember Tamara Woodis and I trying different routes between classes just to figure out WHICH route would cross paths with our CRUSH! And it was really frickin frustrating sometimes!! We’d meet up between class (our lockers were close together) and be like, “Did you see him? Did you see him” --- and many MANY times it was, “No!” DAMNIT! But a stroke of genius hit me one morning when I realized that my crush (I won’t tell you his name, but his initials were B.J. and it rhymes with Rett Ohnson) would be coming from Mr. Klein’s office before my Algebra class (which was just a few doors down the hall), so all I had to do was take the stairs by the old gym, and… and… and HOLE. EEEE. SHIT – I could totally start running into him!!! – Suddenly Algebra was something I looked forward to! I would get to class, just after seeing my crush, and while Mr. Remmert taught us the importance of the Pythagorean Theorem (which is A-squared + B-squared = C-squared – that’s right Mr. Remmert, it was not all for naught)… I would daydream about Rett…
Ooooooooooooooooooh doctor… I’m just saying… those were good times, although to be honest, not that great while it was going on. I mean, I was a total leper to boys in Highschool… I couldn’t get a date to ANYTHING. I was the total choir nerd, good girl, who was afraid of her own shadow. But I look back on her fondly and just wish I’d been more brave. But here I am years later, and actually, I still have a lot of that highschool girl in me. In fact, I’m still afraid of my own shadow… and I still always hear my a**hole criticizing me. Case in point… it’s giving me hell RIGHT NOW! It’s saying, “This is the 6th time you’ve written this stupid blog entry, over FOUR days… and it still sucks.” --- But I’ve decided to ignore her (my a**hole is a she). I’ve decided to just write what comes to me, and put it out there. Because SOMETHING is telling me too. Something other than the a**hole. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’ve decided to trust it – that’s right…. I’m going to trust the shit out of it… so hear goes. Blog #4 – is now posted… and I don’t really like it to be honest.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Blogos-fear...
It’s been quite a while since my last blog post. I suppose it’s because the second post I ever posted was... well... a bit careless (she says sheepishly). So because of that I’ve spent over a month trying to decide whether I should write another blog post. I kept thinking, if I DO decide to write another blog post, do I need to explain why the last post was taken down? Do I need to explain why it’s been over a month since I’ve written anything... and if I choose NOT to explain, will it seem disjointed and weird? But that actually got me thinking about a bigger question… why do I want to blog at all???
So fine… I’ll explain… a little. My first blog post was just a little thing I wrote after being transfixed and inspired by the wonder of nature (that’s nice, right?). The second little thing I wrote was… a lapse in judgment. SO – let’s just forget about that… please. BUT, I can confidently say, “Lesson learned.”
But back to the bigger question, why blog?... I keep asking myself this question over and over again. For some reason, I feel the need to... which is weird, because, well... I'm kind of scared... I keep hearing that voice in my head... the voice I like to call the A**HOLE... saying things like, “What if it’s stupid. What if it’s not funny. What if the people who read this think I’m an attention seeking whore who doesn’t have anything interesting to say?” Thank you A**HOLE for always being so forthcoming and blunt (she says with dripping sarcasm). You always know just what to say to keep me depressed and frustrated. BUT... let me tell you this - A**HOLE (& readers, if I have any) - there are numerous things I think of on a daily basis that I get the urge to write about... and it MAY be stupid, and it MAY be not funny, but I’m doing it anyway gahhhdammit! So there (she yells)! So there (she says more quietly with a quiver in her voice). There it is. I’ve taken the first step towards the blogosphere... and I’m going to blog the SHIT out of it!
So fine… I’ll explain… a little. My first blog post was just a little thing I wrote after being transfixed and inspired by the wonder of nature (that’s nice, right?). The second little thing I wrote was… a lapse in judgment. SO – let’s just forget about that… please. BUT, I can confidently say, “Lesson learned.”
But back to the bigger question, why blog?... I keep asking myself this question over and over again. For some reason, I feel the need to... which is weird, because, well... I'm kind of scared... I keep hearing that voice in my head... the voice I like to call the A**HOLE... saying things like, “What if it’s stupid. What if it’s not funny. What if the people who read this think I’m an attention seeking whore who doesn’t have anything interesting to say?” Thank you A**HOLE for always being so forthcoming and blunt (she says with dripping sarcasm). You always know just what to say to keep me depressed and frustrated. BUT... let me tell you this - A**HOLE (& readers, if I have any) - there are numerous things I think of on a daily basis that I get the urge to write about... and it MAY be stupid, and it MAY be not funny, but I’m doing it anyway gahhhdammit! So there (she yells)! So there (she says more quietly with a quiver in her voice). There it is. I’ve taken the first step towards the blogosphere... and I’m going to blog the SHIT out of it!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Snow Day
It's a cold winter day here in New York City. I woke up this morning hoping for those two magic words, "Snow Day." Is there anything in the world that's more magical than the mystical snow day? Suddenly everything can wait! Suddenly emails can go unanswered, and bills can be paid later... suddenly the entire world has been placed on "hold," but this time the "music while you wait" is the sound of quiet the flakes make as they blow through the air... coloring the sky white... and singing peace.
The alarm went off at 5:45 AM as usual... I was all set to do my morning pages, but I hit the snooze... twice... I knew that the Associate Hotline was being updated at 6AM... surely the office will be closed, afterall... there's a BLIZZARD WARNING! All the schools were closed, all the trains were running slowly, and thousands of flights out of the New York area airports had been cancelled. Why get up to just go back to bed? So when I'd snoozed past 6AM, I reached for the phone, dialed the 800 number and listened with sweet anticipation. "Today is Wednesday, February 10th. The New York office will remain open, however associates traveling to the office should carefully consider the viability of their mode of travel throughout the day. We ask that associates use their discretion." SHIT! COME ON!!! Really???? There's 8 inches of snow on the ground and another 10 are on the way???
Devastated, I drag my ass out of bed, and start my morning... I shower - then call the hotline again... surely they've come to their senses. No change. I make coffee - then call the hotline again. No change. SONS OF WHORES!!!!! I continue my morning as usual, although unlike most mornings, I continue to call the hotline every 10 minutes. Sadly the message remains the same.
So... here's the thing... a "Snow Day" is always a gift. But a "Snow Day - TEASE"... well that's just plain evil. How could the universe dangle that carrot and then not follow through?? We all deserve a break, right? We all need an unexpected day of no responsibilities!
So my husband and I walk to the subway and I sit stewing the entire ride. "This is bullshit. How can they do this to us? This is just mean. Surely they're going to let us go early... why don't they just let us stay home?" I hear the woman next to me also saying (audibly), "This is buuuuuullshit. Don't they got the good sense to close the office? All the daaaaamn schools are closed. What kind of craaaaziness is this?" - Suddenly... I find myself laughing. Here we all are... the 25%-30% of us who have to go to work... sitting on the train, and we all have the SAME inner monologue going. "The world is out to get me today." -- -- But is it? I came up from the subway... and yes, I'd rather be home... but god-damn... it's beautiful. Holy shit it is f@#cking GORGEOUS! How can I be mad?? Even though it's not the traditional "Snow Day" - not the glorious, surprise, "you're absolved of all work today Day." It's still a "Snow Day" - and it's still a miraculous site of beauty and wonder. Not one flake is the same so they say... and when I think about all the millions and billions of flakes that are painting the sky, I feel like I'm witnessing a miracle. So I say THANK YOU! Thank you universe for bringing this glory into my world.
The alarm went off at 5:45 AM as usual... I was all set to do my morning pages, but I hit the snooze... twice... I knew that the Associate Hotline was being updated at 6AM... surely the office will be closed, afterall... there's a BLIZZARD WARNING! All the schools were closed, all the trains were running slowly, and thousands of flights out of the New York area airports had been cancelled. Why get up to just go back to bed? So when I'd snoozed past 6AM, I reached for the phone, dialed the 800 number and listened with sweet anticipation. "Today is Wednesday, February 10th. The New York office will remain open, however associates traveling to the office should carefully consider the viability of their mode of travel throughout the day. We ask that associates use their discretion." SHIT! COME ON!!! Really???? There's 8 inches of snow on the ground and another 10 are on the way???
Devastated, I drag my ass out of bed, and start my morning... I shower - then call the hotline again... surely they've come to their senses. No change. I make coffee - then call the hotline again. No change. SONS OF WHORES!!!!! I continue my morning as usual, although unlike most mornings, I continue to call the hotline every 10 minutes. Sadly the message remains the same.
So... here's the thing... a "Snow Day" is always a gift. But a "Snow Day - TEASE"... well that's just plain evil. How could the universe dangle that carrot and then not follow through?? We all deserve a break, right? We all need an unexpected day of no responsibilities!
So my husband and I walk to the subway and I sit stewing the entire ride. "This is bullshit. How can they do this to us? This is just mean. Surely they're going to let us go early... why don't they just let us stay home?" I hear the woman next to me also saying (audibly), "This is buuuuuullshit. Don't they got the good sense to close the office? All the daaaaamn schools are closed. What kind of craaaaziness is this?" - Suddenly... I find myself laughing. Here we all are... the 25%-30% of us who have to go to work... sitting on the train, and we all have the SAME inner monologue going. "The world is out to get me today." -- -- But is it? I came up from the subway... and yes, I'd rather be home... but god-damn... it's beautiful. Holy shit it is f@#cking GORGEOUS! How can I be mad?? Even though it's not the traditional "Snow Day" - not the glorious, surprise, "you're absolved of all work today Day." It's still a "Snow Day" - and it's still a miraculous site of beauty and wonder. Not one flake is the same so they say... and when I think about all the millions and billions of flakes that are painting the sky, I feel like I'm witnessing a miracle. So I say THANK YOU! Thank you universe for bringing this glory into my world.
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